The Anniversary of 9/11

To commemorate the 10th anniversary of the fall of the World Trade Center Towers and those who lost their lives, Tribal FM has set up a Memorial page in conjunction with three charities, to raise money for those charities. We are hoping to raise at least $1000.00. Every little bit helps.
To view the Memorial page, go here: http://www.tribal.fm/911memorial.php .
To donate, go here: http://www.tribal.fm/911.php .

Please help Tribal FM help these charities/foundations.

Thank you in advance and God bless.
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In Memorium

Growing up as the daughter of missionaries in Japan and the West Indies, Wendy Faulkner always knew what it meant to be poor. Even after she became a successful businesswoman and settled in Mason, Ohio, she would regularly pack up boxes of clothing and send them to orphans and poor children whose names had passed on to her by her parents.
"She spent thousands of dollars, but no one even knew she did it," said her husband of 21 years, Lynn Faulkner. "I know she put at least one kid all the way through school."

In fact, some of her friends did not even know she was a vice president at Aon, with people working for her in several countries, because she rarely talked about it. Several thought she was a stay-at-home mom because she spent so much time with her two daughters, her husband said.

Yet she often traveled to New York and other cities, and on Sept. 11 she was attending a one-day meeting at Aon's offices in the World Trade Center.

To continue her legacy of helping children in the third world, her family has established a nonprofit group, the Wendy Faulkner Memorial Children's Foundation.

New York Firefighter Lieutenant David J Fontana was one of 343 firefighters that died while helping to rescue about 28,000 people from the World Trade Center following the attacks of September 11, 2001. Dave was 37. He left behind his widow, Marian, and his son, Aidan, who was five.

Dave belonged to Squad Company 1, a fire station house at 788 Union Street in the Park Slope section of Brooklyn whose firefighters are specially trained to tackle the most difficult and dangerous of fires and other emergencies. Twelve of the 27 men of Squad 1 were killed on September 11. Only 15 men in the squad survived.

Dave died on his eighth wedding anniversary. Such was his love for the fire department that, in 1993, Dave insisted that he and Marian be wed on September 11. This way their anniversary would be “nine one one” – the phone number for contacting the fire department or other emergency service.

EXCITING NEWS

No, I'm not preggers...lol That would be a miracle since I had a total hysterectomy in 2003.

It was announced today that I am the new promotion manager for http://tribal.fm . I've known for almost a week, but was told to keep it under wraps. It was announced during out monthly meeting today. I was so excited. Please chrck us out. We have awesome DJs who play all kinds of music.

My show times typically are:

Wednesday: 10:00am - 2:00pm Pacific time

Thursday: 11:00am - 2:30pm Pacific time

Friday: 11:00am - 3:00pm Pacific time

Who I am...

I served at FishFest in Irvine, California yesterday and was asked by two companies to post my testimony to their websites, which got me to thinking about WHO I am. Please read below.

*I am a three time suicide Survivor
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*I am a Survivor of rape, incest and molestation
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*I am a Survivor of physical domestic abuse/violence.
(verbal and emotional abuse won't end until I move out)
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These things do not define me as a person, nor as a woman:
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Positive words that have been used to define or describe me: Strong, Intelligent, Funny, Loving, Friendly, Helpful, Courageous.
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Unkind words that have been used to describe me (mostly by the man I am married to):
bitch, slut, whore, attention whore. He resorts to these names during fights. And, thinks it's ok, or will say that he never called me those names. Maybe next time, I'll record a fight so he can deny the name calling.
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I thank God that I have the strength and grace to rise above the name calling, knowing that I am none of those vile, disgusting names. And that a man could ever call a woman those name, especially one he is married to, is just an all-around sad situation.
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So, I am setting up an 'escape plan'. I am looking for a job and as soon as I find one and get back on my feet financially, I will be moving out. Or, since he no longer wants to live here, I will speak to the owner and see what I can work out with him.
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And I know that my soon-to-be-ex husband is probably monitoring my blog, but that's fine. I have nothing to hide.
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Until another time, Peace out!

So....

He informed me last night that he will not be filing for divorce. I guess it doesn't matter what I want. He's the one who said he wanted the divorce. I told him there was NO going back. I meant it. Just because he's decided to make changes almost 2 years later, that's doesn't change my mind in the whole situation. If he won't file, then i will when I start working , move out and can afford to file. I have dreams of my own that I want to pursue and I won't allow anyone to hold me back or put me down any longer.

Things that make you go, hmmmm....

Ok, so he came home from the men's retreat and we started fighting. I told him that calling me a WHORE was unacceptable. He said he didn't call me a whore. I told him that whether it was a sexual whore or an attention whore, a whore is a whore and I'm neither of those. I refuse to be in a relationship like this anymore! He may not be physically abusing me, but verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad, if not worse. And what's funny is that he can start it, but as soon as I begin to respond, he says HE's not doing this and retreats to the garage. He can dish it out but he can't take it. I'm not going to just sit back and let him treat me like crap.
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He also paid for the oil to be changed in my car since he no longer wants to do it for me. He is also helped me out of a financial bind. Now I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whenever he does something for me, there are always hidden strings attached. When he helps me, if he wants something later and I say no, then I get the, 'I did this, I did that for you'. That's why I don't ask him to do anything for me anymore.
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Oh, and he’s been listening to this marriage series thru Horizon Church in San Diego, California. I've been listening with him and it's quite interesting. But if he thinks that him listening to them and changing his attitude and behavior now is going to keep me from still wanting the divorce, he is sadly mistaken. I told him in 2009 when he said that he wanted the divorce that he'd better be sure it what he wants, because there was NO going back. I still feel the same way almost 2 years later.
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I had an appointment with the Department of Rehab on June 1st and since I am considered permanently disabled, I qualify for job placement or education services. I am hoping that they can pay for college so that I can at least get my A.A. in business. And hopefully it'll come with some money every month. If it's enough to get caught up on bills, I will move out...even if I have to rent a room from someone.
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Below are two of my favorite quotes lately:
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"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you imagined." ~Henry David Thoreau
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My marriage is the past. I am looking forward to the future and what new adventures I can find.
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"How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours." ~Wayne Dyer~
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I am going to no longer react when the ex (yes, I can him the ex even though no papers have been filed) begins a fight and gets hurtful. I will rise above it and take the high road. The attitude will be all on him.

Le Sigh

Let's see if this works now. I have only been trying to post since May 14th. Seems there was a compatibility issue with IE9. Seems to have been fixed now.
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ok, let's try this again...…I am finally able to decompress from the fight with the soon to be ex husband that happened on Mother's Day and the ensuing week. The fight degenerated into name calling by him. Mainly calling me a whore three times. I am NOT a whore! I have never cheated on him, no matter what he thinks or says. But he ALWAYS reverts to name calling when there is a fight. Have I done things in the past that I'm not proud of? Absolutely! Who hasn't? But when someone says they forgive you, you expect that to be the end of it. Not with him. He lied. He never has forgiven me, and he brings it up just about everytime we fight. Well, I am NOT apologizing for the things I've done in the past anymore. And I told him so. I confessed my sins to God and that's all that matters. I am forgiven, because I am a child of God. And the ironic thing is that he is at our church's mens' retreat this weekend. LOL Bet he's not confessing any of this to the pastor. It's now his problem, not mine. I refuse to engage in warfare with someone who plays unfairly by threatening to take the internet, electricity, etc., away from me because he knows that I can't afford it on my own. I am on permanent disability and he likes to use the fact that I have no money as a way of 'control'. Anyway, this weekend I'm FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
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LOL…I had a group interview on thursday (5/12) with an adult active living home. It's a beautiful place. The position is a concierge/receptionist position. It's a part time position which may eventually become full time. I think it would be a great fit with my skills and personality. I was the only one of the interviewees to interact with any of the residents before the inteview. And the house dog loved me. She is a Schnauzer named Gina. She is soooo pretty. She came over, wanting me to pet her, so I did and then she laid by my chair for the majority of the interview. Hmmm, I think she cast her vote for me...lol The interview process will take about 2 weeks, so I hope I get called back for a second interview.
Update on the job: I didn't get the second interview.
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So on today (5/14), I am going to see my uncle for the first time since I had the surgery on my jaw in January, and had the braces removed in March. I think it's going to be really good for both of us. He sounded really good tonight.
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On sunday (5/15) I have church, whether physically or online. Then I am filling in for 2 DJs on Tribal FM @ http://tribal.fm/ , as they are taking the day/night off. I love DJing for Tribal FM. Check us out!…I guess that's it for now. I will try to update more often.

OH Costa Mesa Conference and Fashion Show

Ok, so it's taken me almost 2 weeks to finish this blog post, but here it is...Finally!! LOL

The weekend ROCKED!!
Friday, I had good intentions to be at the hotel by 3-4:00, but you know what they say about good intentions; the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. LOL So I actually got to the hotel about 5:30pm. The Hilton was beautiful. I loved the glass-walled elevators. I have a lot of thoughts on them, but not for public view. LOL So anyway, loved the hotel. The staff was very helpful and friendly. My roommate was very nice, even tho we didn't see much of each other through out the weekend.

Saturday came and I realized that I didn't pack enough clothes for the weekend. Typical. LOL So I trekked down to Walmart in Huntington Beach and picked up an outfit. Came back to the hotel and changed. Went down to check out the vendors. There were some pretty cool vendors there. I made appointments with 2 reconstructive surgeons, Dr. Quiroz from Mexico and Dr. Katzen from Beverly Hills. Love them both. I met them both in 2008 at the OH Los Angeles convention. Both said that even with still having 25 pounds to lose, they would do the reconstructive surgery on me now. They feel I am ready for it. They both said that the suferies would take between 10-15 pounds off of me, leaving me about 10 pounds to get to my goal weight. I walked the vendors for a while, picked up some samples and bought some other items, like dried edemame. Sat is on three speakers; Yvonne McCarthy (BariatricGirl), Dr. Garth Davis (Big Medicine) and Mary Jo Rapini (Big Medicine). All three were great speakers. Yvonne was right on about the self-esteem issue. Dr. Garth was funny during his segment. But I think my favorite was Mary Jo, who was speaking about sex after weightloss surgery. She had everyone rolling with her sense of humor, and it got even better when she brought out the whipped cream and toys. Oh my gosh, I hadn't laughed so hard in a long, long time.

Saturday night came and I was running around trying to find Jeremy from Obesty Help so we could compare our lists of fashion show participants so he could put together to slideshow and trying to get something to eat before getting myself ready for the show. Found Jeremy and gave him my list, Kim V. was nice enough to share her pizza with me for dinner and we got to talking so much that we were late getting back to our rooms to get ready. Checked email and my high-speed internet had been shut down about a 1/2 hour early, so I went to the desk and they comped me a 4-hour block of internet service. See?? Told you they were nice and helpful. By the time I was done figuring out what was wrong with the internet, I had about 25 minutes to shower, dress, do my hair and makeup. So I showered, dressed, did my hair and took my makeup kit down to the room we were using for the fashion show and ran into the makeup artist. She took me into the makeup room and did my makeup for me. I was about 15 minutes late for the show that I coordinated, but they couldn't really begin without me. Yvonne introduced me and then the show started. It was awesome! We rocked the runway. There was a photo booth that everyone enjoyed over and over and over again...After the fashion show, we had a DJ. He was pretty decent. About midnight everyone went back to their rooms and I spent some time in IM with a friend for a couple hours before bed.

Sunday was a lazy morning, with a late check-out, which gave me a lot of time to consolidate everything intomy bags. The weekend and especially the fashion show was a HUGE success. I was happy that everyone had a great weekend.

On another happy note, I met a gentleman at the hotel. His name is Shane. We had passed each other several times. He was at the hotel for a differet event that weekend. So as I said, we had passed each other several times and wound up in the elevator together. He was on the same floor and i was, only the opposite direction. We wound up hanging out for a bit on saturday. He walked the vendor floor with me and we'd meet up between our respective speakers and my PS consutations. He had asked me out, but I explained my real life situation of married but seperated and still living with my soon-to-be-ex husband. He completely understood and told me that when I am free, he'd still love to take me out. He gave me his card with his home, work and cell numbers. He lives in Orange County and was still willing to come take me out when I live in the Inland Empire. Anyway, he was hearing a speaker at the time I was getting ready for the fashion show and I passed by him twice on the floor where the show was being held, and he didn't recognize me. I had to go up and re-introduce myself to him. LOL Now mind you, I had been wearing capris and a tshirt all day. When he saw me all 'dolled up', he was blown away. He told me I was beautiful and gave me a hug, caressed my cheek and gave me a soft kiss. He hung out by the door until the fashion show was done, I saw him for a couple minutes afterward and then he had to go to a party of his own, after kissing me one more time that night. Just a soft, sweet kiss. Very respectful. I will definitely be calling him when my home situation changes.

So, all in all it was a fabulous weekend. Very unforgettable.

I am so excited!!

Obesity Help, which is my online weightloss support group is holding one of it's yearly conferences in Costa Mesa, California from May 21-22. I will be at the Costa Mesa Hilton from May 21-23. In addition to guest speakers, reconstructive surgery consults, vendors and Q & A sessions, there will be a Fashion Show on Saturday night. I am the coordinator for the show. Not only that, but I will be IN the fashion show. I am soo excited, both as the coordinator and as a participant. I will have my laptop at the hotel and will be doing updates throught the weekend, so stay tuned!!

Okay, it's been 7 months...Time for an update

Well, not a lot has happened in the divorce department. We are at a stalemate of sorts, since I'm not currently working and he can't pay all the bills without the money I put in from my social security disability. I am still looking for work, but may have to leave California to find work. The employment situation in California really sux. I have been offered a place to stay with friends in Washington State, but until I get the braces on my teeth removed, I can't leave Cali.

And then the head games began with the husband. He started acting like he no longer wanted the divorce and was getting all touchy feely about a week before Valentine's Day. We have given in to 'mutual enjoyment' At least that was how I saw it. No sex. He tried to make more out of it and when I told him how I felt, he got mad. He started saying that it seemd like I wanted the divorce more than he did. I told him to wait a minute and back that truck up. I told HIM that he's the who said he wanted a divorce back in September. He then replied that he never said he wanted a divorce, that he was 'thinking about it'. I then told him he was full of crap. That he needed to talk to ALL 'our' friends, his mom and our landlord, then come back and tell me that he didn't say he wanted a divorce. Then he corrected himself and said that he didn't 'remember' saying he wanted a divorce. For 5 months I had been using phrases like 'when we divorce' or 'after the divorce', things like that and not once did he EVER correct me. Now five months later he pulls this crap on me. I told him that even if he no longer wanted the divorce, I did. I refuse to live in fear of being kicked out, of being threatened with divorce when he doesn't get what he wants, when he wanted it (mainly sex). After years of being threatened with divorce, I told him to be very sure that's what he wanted, because there was no going back. I told him that in September, I told him that in February and I told him that again in April when he came to and informed me that he had shredded the divorce papers and was leaving it in God's hands. He told me that the fate of our marriage was now in my hands. I looked at him and said 'uh uh, the fate of our marriage was in your hands once you said you wanted a divorce'. So, we are still at a stalemate.

I will try to update on what's going on with me more often.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

I Finally Mourned the Death of My Marriage...

Saturday night (10/17/09), during the 'Afterglow', which took place after the teaching. For the last month, people kept telling me that I needed to mourn but everytime the tears started to surface, I would push them away and find something else to do. Also, I think that I didn't want to appear vulnerable or weak in front of the husband. But last night during the 'Afterglow', the tears came and wouldn't stop. I cried for about a half hour, but it was a needed and healing weeping. I have never cried for so long in my life. But now I know that the Lord will provide for any of my needs and I can rest in Him.